1. The effects of unconscious thoughts

Whatever change we seek or undergo in life—whether it’s something small or a big step—it all starts with awareness of our inner self. I’ll often return to this idea, because for me, it’s a fundamental building block. It’s the starting point from which so much unfolds.

Are we truly aware of what’s going on in our mind: what we’re feeling, what we might be suppressing, and what we genuinely, deeply desire? At first glance, it might seem simple: ‘Sure, I know that about myself’.
And yet… there are so many unconscious moments. Our day is filled with thoughts that pop into our heads and disappear again just as quickly. It happens so fast and so quietly that we barely notice. Most of the time, we’re too busy with our daily tasks and responsibilities.

‘Wow, I’m actually quite negative about this…’
 ‘Am I hesitant to take that first step?’
 ‘I really enjoy this—have I been suppressing that? Why?’   

Some thoughts come back regularly and can turn into beliefs or thought patterns—things we start to identify with. Recurring thought patterns influence how you feel and behave in certain situations.
For example, if you carry the limiting belief that you must handle everything on your own and shouldn’t ask for help, then you’ll likely avoid seeking assistance, take on too much, and risk becoming overwhelmed.
This unconscious behavior can have negative effects: suppressing emotions that actually need attention and reacting negatively to situations because of how you think about them.

2. Gaining More Control Through Self-Awareness

Our perception shapes our reality. Our thoughts influence how we feel, and our feelings impact how we act. So our thoughts play a significant role in shaping what we do in life. Positive, constructive thinking drives us forward, while negative thoughts can hold us back.
By examining and changing our thoughts, we can also shift our emotions and behaviors—a core principle in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

When we better understand our blocks, patterns, triggers, and beliefs, it becomes clear what needs attention and what direction we want to go in.
In that sense, greater self-awareness empowers us to stop passively enduring life and start taking ownership, making choices that are aligned with what truly matters to us.

3. How to Develop More Awareness

A coach can support you by asking the right questions, providing tools, and following up on your actions.Een coach kan je hierbij helpen door gerichte vragen te stellen, tools te geven en je activiteiten mee op te volgen.

But you can definitely take meaningful steps on your own as well. Here are two essential exercises:

Pause and Observe

The first step is learning to pause. Stop and notice what you’re doing or thinking.
What are you thinking? What are you feeling? How do others perceive you?
The key is to observe without judgment, simply becoming aware of how you and your environment think and act, and what effects that has. You can also write it down if you enjoy journaling.

If you want to go a step further, try doing this regularly for a period of time and keep track of it. Write down your insights daily. Do certain thoughts keep coming back? Are they positive, or do you tend to react negatively in certain situations? This helps uncover thought patterns and gradually builds the habit of checking in with yourself. It strengthens your self-awareness.

Reflect

Next comes reflection.
Author and organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich emphasizes the importance of asking ‘what’ questions instead of ‘why’ questions.

‘What is truly important to me?’
‘What am I feeling right now?’

‘Why’ questions often lead to unproductive or overly negative thinking. The truth is made up of so many layers we can’t always understand, so we end up filling in the blanks with assumptions that don’t help us.
But ‘what’ questions move us forward. They’re clear, constructive, and focused on growth.De ‘waarom’-vragen leiden vaak tot onproductieve negatieve gedachten. De waarheid bestaat uit zoveel elementen die we niet kunnen inschatten, waardoor het niet mogelijk is om een reëel beeld te scheppen van een bepaalde situatie. We gaan die dan invullen met vele veronderstellingen die nergens toe leiden. De ‘wat’-vragen zorgen ervoor dat we vooruit gaan.

4. Conclusion: Self-Awareness as a Foundation for Change

If you want to navigate life consciously and make decisions aligned with your personal values, it’s crucial to understand your own desires, limiting thoughts, and habitual reactions.

You can increase self-awareness by starting small but intentionally—pause, observe, and reflect.
When you do this consistently, your insight into your own thoughts and feelings—as well as those of others—will grow.
You’ll naturally begin to slow down more often, reflect before reacting, and recognize how your thoughts and emotions shape your actions.